Why I hate spring

I've been mercifully spared from allergies my entire life. Four or five years ago, however, my body decided that it was time I join in the fun as well. Now April and May have become my least favorite months, and I've decided this is the year I'm renting a plane and napalming Riverside Park.

This past Sunday was a bad one. Apparently I wasn't the only one suffering on the allergy front. The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America ranked American cities based on how horrible they are to live in if you suffer from allergies. Last year, New York was number 86. This year, it's number 11! (Stay away from Hartford, Connecticut. It's number 1.)

And how can we avoid suffering from allergies altogether? "Move to a desert island in the middle of nowhere that is at least 200 miles from any trees."

Doesn't sound all that bad to me, especially if New York's rank gets even worse next year.