Heart Attack Grill

Heart disease is funny and sexy!!

If you’re feeling suicidal but don’t like rushing into things, there’s a new slow way to kill yourself. Visit the Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona.

The menu includes the “Single,” “Double,” “Triple,” and “Quadruple Bypass Burgers,” the last of which proudly clocks in at 8000 calories. And what better to go with your burger than “Flatliner Fries,” which are “deep fried in pure lard!” Want a diet soda with that? Too bad. Only regular soda is served, so top of your meal with a Jolt Cola instead. For your convenience, unfiltered cigarettes can also be purchased directly off the menu.

For that extra special touch, a sexy “nurse” brings you your food and later carries your fat ass out to your car in a wheelchair.

To quote the owner (who incidentally dresses like a doctor despite not being one), “Don’t worry about what people are telling you. Live for the day.” Good advice if you want to be alive for just one more day.